Cultural Transition: When "I Don’t Understand" and "They Don’t Understand" Collide

Cultural transition is also about navigating the emotional impact of feeling unseen, unheard, or disconnected.

Culture shapes every aspect of our lives, from our values and beliefs to the way we speak, use body language, and even our sense of humour. Yet, we often don’t fully realise how deeply ingrained these influences are until we encounter a different culture. Since moving to the UK, I’ve had countless opportunities to see how much my ways of thinking and interacting are shaped by my original culture.

Sometimes, these cultural encounters are exciting and eye-opening. They help us understand ourselves better and allow us to see life from new perspectives. But other times, cultural differences can lead to confusion and even a sense of loneliness. I like to call these moments “I don’t understand” and “They don’t understand” situations.

"I Don’t Understand"

One of the most common "I don’t understand" moments for me happens in pubs. Pub culture is something I wasn’t familiar with at all. I didn’t even know what I could order. Could I ask for a pot of tea? Things became even trickier when conversations started. With loud music in the background, I struggled to hear what people were saying. On top of that, I often had no idea why everyone was laughing, because my sense of humour was shaped in a completely different cultural context. The only thing I could do was laugh along, pretending I got the joke.

Most of the time, I just sat there, smiling, while trying to piece together words I could barely hear. It felt like I was listening to conversations from inside a bubble, physically present but emotionally distant. Over time, I realised these moments weren’t just about language or humour. They reflected something deeper: the feeling of being an outsider in a space where everyone else seemed to belong so effortlessly.

"They Don’t Understand"

The "They don’t understand" moments, on the other hand, happen when I’m the one bringing my culture into a shared space. A good example was when I went to karaoke with my local friends. I picked a song that was extremely popular in my home country, one that almost everyone from my cultural background would know. But when I started singing, I realised that no one recognised the song, so they couldn’t join in. Eventually, they lost interest, started chatting, and left me to finish my song alone.

At that moment, I felt like we were living in completely different worlds. The song that held so much meaning for me was just background noise to them. It wasn’t that they were being rude or dismissive. They simply didn’t have the same connection to the music, just as I sometimes struggle to relate to British cultural references.

What made these moments feel even lonelier was the realisation that no one asked. No one was curious about me, my background, or the cultural context behind the things I valued. It was as if my experiences didn’t matter. When this happens repeatedly, it’s easy to start feeling invisible. The thought of “no one wants to listen” can make people withdraw and become more passive in the process of cultural transition. Instead of reaching out and trying to connect, they may begin to retreat, feeling that their culture and identity don’t belong in this new space.

Finding a Way Through

Cultural transition isn’t just about learning a new language, adapting to social norms, or figuring out what to order at a pub. It’s also about navigating the emotional impact of feeling unseen, unheard, or disconnected. The process can be confusing, frustrating, and sometimes deeply isolating.

But transition doesn’t mean erasing who you are. It’s about finding a way to exist between two cultures, making space for both your past and your present. Over time, I’ve learned that being understood starts with understanding myself first. Recognising what matters to me, what I want to keep from my original culture, and how I want to engage with the new one has helped me find my own balance.

And sometimes, finding that balance isn’t something we have to do alone. Having a space to process these experiences, whether through friendships, communities, or therapy, can make all the difference. When someone truly listens, it becomes easier to listen to ourselves and figure out how we want to navigate this journey.