給在異鄉當上母親的你們 Dear Immigrant Mothers in a Foreign Land

This piece is written in Chinese because I wanted to express something very personal — the emotional experience of being an immigrant mother — in the language that feels most natural to me. An English translation is provided at the end for non-Chinese readers.

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我還記得剛當媽媽的那幾年，真的好不容易。

一個人在家帶著寶寶，常常覺得無助又不安。

有時候，看著孩子因為異位性皮膚炎而滿身傷口，我會害怕——

害怕我們的日子會不會就這樣，在一次又一次的上藥、塗乳液中，孤單地撐下去。

後來，好不容易回到工作崗位，我卻一次又一次在督導面前落淚。

那是一種被困住的感覺，日子像沒有出口。

我還記得，那段時間裡的寂寞與恐懼——

在一個不屬於自己成長的地方，肩上多了一個新生命的重量。

在生活與諮商工作中，我遇見了許多和我有相似經驗的母親。

她們的故事，也像極了我：沒有家人支援，得獨自面對生命劇烈的轉變。

學著當母親、重新調整與伴侶的關係、摸索異國的醫療與教育體系；

在原生文化與新文化之間尋找平衡，也努力將這份經驗傳承給孩子。

我們這群移民母親，除了面對成為母親後的身份變化，

還得同時應付文化轉換、職涯不確定，以及育兒資源的不足。

而孤單，

是我們最容易共鳴的情緒。

我曾有一位同樣身為移民母親的個案，在諮商室裡痛哭失聲。

她問我：「妳當初是怎麼走出來的？」

我想了想，回答她：「是時間，還有陪伴。」

老實說，我也不確定自己是否真的『走出來』了。

只是時間讓情況慢慢變好，他人的陪伴也讓不安和困惑更容易被承受。

對我來說，一群來自相同文化背景的「媽媽友」是最大的支持。

當孩子病痛無法出門時，有朋友特地來看我；

有人鼓勵我放下家務、出門透透氣；

有人和我一起分享醫療與教育資訊，互相傾訴、彼此鼓勵。

因為我們來自相同文化，她們更能理解我的感受；

她們的經驗，對我來說也特別有參考價值。

研究也指出，來自相同移民社群的支持，能減輕移民母親的孤獨感（Perrenoud et al., 2024；Tummala-Narra & Claudius, 2022）。

當然，這並不能解決所有問題。

孤單仍是多面向的，媽媽友能提供情感與育兒的支持，

但每個母親仍有各自的挑戰：職涯、身份、甚至自我價值的重新定義。

另一個讓我撐下去的支柱，是我的諮商督導。

督導的主要任務原本是支持我的工作、確保專業與倫理。

但在我最痛苦、最困惑的時候，

她給了我一個能夠放心哭泣、傾訴的空間。

那些無法對丈夫或朋友開口的焦慮與疲憊，

在那個安全的時空裡，終於有了出口。

她並沒有給我解答，只是靜靜地陪著。

但那份陪伴本身，就是力量。

很多時候，當我把煩惱說出來，不安也就慢慢鬆動。

原本覺得無法承受的情緒，說出來之後，也變得沒那麼可怕。

正因為有了媽媽友與督導的陪伴，

我才能帶著希望，忍受不安，讓時間慢慢發揮它的魔法。

前陣子朋友提到，他認識的一位移民母親，也正在經歷類似的不安。

他說，他很想對那位母親說：「沒事的，一切都會好起來。」

我想，是的——會慢慢好起來的。

我記得孩子還小、未來一片黑暗的時候，

丈夫也曾對我說過同樣的話。

那時的我無法相信，甚至覺得那是空話。

但現在回望，我知道他是對的。

所以，我也想把這句話送給所有正在經歷相似掙扎的移民母親們：

一切都會好起來。

孩子會長大，會變得更強壯、更獨立；

而妳，也會慢慢找回自己的節奏與空間。

也許現在的妳仍然懷疑，但請記得——

妳不孤單。

在世界的各個角落，有許多像妳一樣的母親，

正走在同樣的路上。

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I still remember those early years of motherhood—how hard they were.

Alone at home with my baby, I often felt helpless and anxious.

Sometimes, when I looked at my child’s body covered in wounds from eczema, fear crept in—

the fear that our days might stay this way,

endlessly applying ointments and creams,

quietly enduring it all on our own.

Later, when I finally returned to work,

I found myself breaking down again and again in front of my supervisor.

It was a deep sense of being trapped—

as if life had lost its direction.

I still remember that loneliness and fear—

the weight of raising new life in a country that wasn’t my own.

Through both life and my counselling work,

I’ve met many mothers with stories like mine.

No family nearby, navigating motherhood alone,

learning how to care for a child,

how to rebuild a relationship with a partner,

how to make sense of an unfamiliar health and education system.

Between two cultures, we search for balance,

hoping to pass something meaningful on to our children.

For immigrant mothers, identity after childbirth becomes even more complex—

we face the added layers of cultural transition,

uncertain careers, and limited childcare resources.

And loneliness,

that’s something we all understand deeply.

One of my clients, also an immigrant mother, once broke down in tears during a session.

She asked me, “How did you get through it?”

I paused and told her, “With time… and companionship.”

To be honest, I’m not sure I ever truly got through it.

I still have moments when I feel stuck.

But time has softened the edges,

and the presence of others has made my fears easier to bear.

For me, the greatest support came from a group of “mum friends”

who shared the same cultural background.

Friends who came to visit when my child’s skin condition kept us indoors,

friends who encouraged me to step outside, to breathe,

friends who shared advice about healthcare and schooling,

and who offered empathy instead of judgment.

Because we came from the same place,

they understood my emotions without long explanations.

Their experiences made mine feel less confusing, more human.

Research also suggests that support within one’s own immigrant community

can ease the sense of isolation

(Perrenoud et al., 2024; Tummala-Narra & Claudius, 2022).

Of course, it doesn’t make loneliness disappear—

it’s a layered, persistent feeling.

Mum friends offer emotional and parenting support,

but each of us still carries our own struggles—career, identity,

and the quiet question of who we are becoming.

Another anchor for me was my counselling supervisor.

While supervision is meant to support my professional practice,

during my most painful and confusing times,

it became a safe space where I could speak freely—and cry.

The worries I couldn’t share with my husband or friends

finally found a place to rest.

My supervisor didn’t offer solutions;

she simply stayed present.

But that quiet presence itself was powerful.

Often, by putting my struggles into words,

my anxiety eased,

my mind grew clearer,

and what once felt unbearable began to soften.

It was the companionship of my mum friends and my supervisor

that allowed me to hold onto hope,

to stay with the uncertainty,

and to let time work its quiet magic.

Not long ago, a friend told me about another immigrant mother

who was going through something similar.

She said she wanted to tell her,

“It’s okay. Things will get better.”

And I believe that’s true—

things do get better, little by little.

I remember when my child was small

and the future felt completely dark.

My husband told me the same thing,

and back then, I couldn’t believe him.

But now, looking back, I know he was right.

So I want to pass that same message

to all the immigrant mothers who may be struggling right now:

Things will get better.

Your child will grow—stronger, healthier, more independent.

You will find more space for yourself,

to think, to breathe, to adjust.

Even if you can’t believe it yet,

please remember this—

you are not alone.

Across the world,

many mothers like you

are walking this same path.

References

Perrenoud, P., Demolis, R., Ferec, E., Galvez Broux, M., Perret, F., Chautems, C., & Kaech, C. (2024). Reconstructing a niche sociality during the postpartum period: A qualitative study about the experience of becoming a mother as an immigrant in Switzerland. SSM – Mental Health, 5, 100303. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmmh.2024.100303

Tummala-Narra, P., & Claudius, M. (2022). Immigrant mothers. In M. Moro & G. Welsh (Eds.), Parenthood and immigration in psychoanalysis: Shaping the therapeutic setting (pp. 78–96). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003174684